A Point of Interest Feeling

Well hello, waned to start this to express feelings and emotions that seem to be new coming to myself. It could be overly excite moments of happy or really low places of hurt, but Id like to share my self with you and maybe open up new feelings for myself to. Well right now i am feeling a lot of things but what is out there in the open is how open ive become about how I feel. But how closed I am to expess those feelings. The last few years ive gone from being closed and keeping feelings to myself to being open and feeling and letting it out. Ive noticed that I feel love/desire/passion im more to keep it to myself than fully letting it out. I may have times to show and say something but i mostly keep it to me. But, yes but, when the feelings turn to lost/hurt/lonely im like a crazy person running around doing all the things i can, if not more, to show i do care. But i relized ive had this whole time, and i get confused. I feel like I get tunnel vision when i could be telling my feeling and contraying them complete. It gets relaxed in knowing that it will be there, but thats not right. I should always feel the need to show I care or worry or hurt. Example i was in a court and after not being able to get off on charge i was fined. When i left i was upset/sad/hurt but i was more showing that i was angry/pained. At the time i wanted to be hugged and told its ok and allow someone to be that comfort, instead i pushed away and was not accepting of any care/support. Even though thats what i wanted and need. Selfishness, over-reacting, negitve, acting out, feeling sorry for self. I have a long way to go, and its going to be uphill all the way. But maybe someone, not only myself can learn and open up and benefit from these writings. So remember to not be ruled by your feelings but accept them and be open to them. I will too!